Jan
11
My Stubborn Pride
Filed Under Life
Being an athlete, more specifically, a female athlete, I have felt I’ve needed to prove myself. Prove that I’m just as capable as “the boys.” I was just as strong, just as fast, just as… To hear I wasn’t able to do something, because “I was a girl” was such a huge insult. Unfortunately, this has built up a stubbornness within me. Someone may offer to help me carry something or help me with something, but I usually turn them down, because I need to prove I am capable of doing it on my own.
Last February (the 16th to be exact), as I was doing my daily devotion, I came across Leviticus 26:19. Since I’m not completely sure what the second half of this verse means (well, I haven’t taken the time to look into it), I will just state the first half: “I will break down your stubborn pride…” When I read that, I felt God speaking so bluntly and directly to my heart. God does not like prideful people. He likes people who humble themselves before the Lord and give up control to Him.
Recently, I was informed I now have a deadline of January 31st to raise my remaining monthly support. Initially, I was horrified and immediately felt such paralyzing pressure. But I forced myself to move on, because by standing still, nothing will happen.
Tonight at church, we talked very briefly about the Holy Spirit. To be honest, it seems like the Holy Spirit gets the shaft of the Trinity. We open prayer, “Dear God…” and close with, “in Jesus’ name…” Yet the Holy Spirit is what gives us the power and the strength to do what God is calling us to do. When we pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, amazing things happen. I pitched my pride tonight and reached out for my church community’s help. I was asking for prayer for my situation. God provided more. He provided me with love, encouragement and a couple new financial supporters. He has humbled me once again and pointed me in the direction of Him.
I will close this with the prayer I wrote on February 16th, 2008:
Lord, please break down my stubborn pride so I can get through this initial support raising phase and report to the assignment You have created for me. Help me to use the resources You have given me. Amen.
Thank you all for your prayers and support!
Much love to you all!