Oct
5
Egocentrism Has No Age Limit
Filed Under Life
Dictionary.com describes egocentrism as “having or regarding the self or the individual as the center of all things” and “having little or no regard for interests, beliefs, or attitudes other than one’s own; self-centered.” Children usually display this as they grow up, because for many of them, they are the center of attention all the time (cause they’re so stinking cute sometimes!!!) But, unfortunately, this completely described me yesterday. I had planned this hike for a couple weeks…that long, because the day I originally planned to go, it was raining. So for two weeks I had been thinking about going and I think I hyped it all up in my head and made it to be a bigger deal than it was.
But I went.
I love the outdoors, especially right now with the leaves changing color. But then I realized I forgot my other two rolls of film and only had 8 pictures to take (yes, I still have a film camera and I’m currently working on this situation). And then my egocentrism poked it’s ugly head out. When I pulled into the little parking lot, it seemed like everyone in the town of Yellow Springs had the same idea I did. Cars filled the parking lot. I altered my route a wee bit, intent to make the most of my 8 picutres. There’s been an image in my head that I’ve been wanting to capture for about a month now and I just needed to find it.
Then the people.
I could hear them everywhere and all I wanted was to be alone with God, nature and my camera. When people came up behind me, instead of looking around me and enjoying myself, I started to question if I should slow down so they would pass me, but then wondered would they pass me or just slow down, too? Then I got annoyed and just wanted them to leave. I pulled onto this little outlet and got really annoyed when a couple minutes later realized they did too. So, I sat on a tree, pretending to be enjoying the scenery when I was really just glaring at them internally so they would leave. Then a stupid thought hit me that if I backtracked to go a different way…what would the people, who I passed the first time, think of me? Would they think to themselves, “Who is this loser? Is she lost? Where is she going in life?”
Then I stopped. What in the world was I thinking? These people probably didn’t care a lick about me and as soon as I passed them, they never gave me a second thought. It’s amazing how easily we can think we are the center of the universe and we are entitled to certain things…like aloneness in the wilderness. I was disgusted with myself and how selfish I can be. But then I found some grace for myself and gave myself a break. I talked myself out of my selfishness. I looked at these “intruders” now as people who loved the same thing I did – nature. I could smile at them and say hello without secretly wishing they would have stayed home.
And I didn’t get the exact image captured on film that I was looking for, but I got an image that was very, very close to it. Of course I can’t post it now, because I haven’t gotten my pictures developed yet 